


Scars

by serenesavagery (windrunnerdreamer)



Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [12]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Book 03: Oathbringer Spoilers, Dialogue Heavy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windrunnerdreamer/pseuds/serenesavagery
Summary: Adolin and Shallan have a talk. Of scars, and growth.
Relationships: Shallan Davar & Adolin Kholin
Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527470
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	Scars

"I'm sure I'll eventually get over it," Shallan said with a grin. 

Adolin blinked before coming to the realization of this very bad, unfunny pun. 

He then chuckled. "My mother would have shamed you for that one." He said, shaking his head with a slight grin. 

He then stopped, blinking again. 

She was doing it again. Doing whatever...Tien did to him. 

She was brightening that darkness within him. 

"Bridgeboy?" Shallan asked, tilting her head to one side and looking at him curiously. 

Adolin bit on his lip, looking at her. 

_"My father...was a monster. A terrible man. And I loved him. But he hurt the people I loved."_

_"So I had to kill him."_

Adolin frowned, swallowing a little. 

How was she doing it? Doing something like that could have destroyed her. It should have. 

And then... 

_Shallan smiled at him, eyes tinged with tears._

_"Is it the sorrow, of watching them hurt the people you love?"_

_"It would be nice, if no one knew of those things either, Adolin Speardancer. I agree, with every part of who I am."_

"How?" He asked, softly. 

Shallan blinked. "How I make such amazing jokes you mean?" 

Adolin shook his head, sitting down next to her. 

"No. How is it that you're still smiling, in spite of everything you must have been through?" Adolin asked, meeting her eyes. 

Shallan blinked again, before slapping a hand to her mouth and laughing. 

Adolin frowned. "Did I say something funny?" 

Shallan still kept laughing, though the sound was humorless and dry. 

"Shallan?" Adolin asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Shallan finally stopped, before waving a hand, a grin on her face as she met his eyes. 

"It's just..." she sobered up, before her eyes met his with an intensity he found unsettling. 

"You're asking the wrong person, Adolin. Because it's something _you're_ doing already." 

Adolin was pretty sure his nose wrinkled out of confusion. "Say what now?" 

Shallan smiled slightly. "It is something _you_ do, Adolin. Not me." 

"What do you mean?" 

Shallan chuckled, and the sound was tinged with a gentle note to it.

"You smiled for Kaladin. Tried to lighten his burdens, and you did the same for me. And here are the both of us, wondering how you can talk away and smile while we are stuck somewhere that we are not completely sure we can get out of." She says, her voice a bit brittle at the beginning before lightening at the end. 

Adolin widened his eyes. "I-" 

"Hush now, bridgeboy. I'm not saying you haven't suffered. But..." she touched his hand with her freehand. 

It was an intimate gesture, and Adolin almost flinched at the tenderness of it. 

"How is it that you smile, Adolin? That's what I want to know. You haven't gone crazy, not completely." 

Adolin felt his head spinning. "That's not true." 

"How is it you're trying to cheer us up and are succeeding most wonderfully?" Shallan asked, her voice soft. 

"I'm trying to cheer you up because Damnation knows you two need it. But...I'm going crazy. I'm frightened. I'm angry with myself for having failed Elhokar. Storms, his son-" Adolin's voice cracked. 

"I'm not sane. But you look it. How?" Adolin asked, facing away from her. 

"I just pretend that the hurt never existed to begin with." 

Adolin blinked. Shallan's voice sounded brittle- hard and so unusually harsh but liable to break any second. 

Adolin turned to face her. Shallan was smiling with her eyes closed, but the smile didn't reach her face. 

_Pretend that the hurt never existed._

It sounded so _wrong,_ to Adolin- he couldn't imagine going around and walking as if...

As if Roshone hadn't tormented his family and sent Tien to the army with such a cruel, broken smile of glee. 

As if that Shardbearer, _Shallan's brother_ he remembered with a pang, hadn't killed his friends. 

As if Amaram hadn't branded him and broken him. 

Like the bridge crews hadn't tormented him. 

Adolin blinked, realizing something. 

Yes, he had been broken. Yes he had earned scars. 

But would he trade them for a life of happiness? 

_Because when I do that, who do I become?_

_Who will I be?_

_Would I be Adolin Speardancer? Still?_

He remembered that raining night- when he had made the pact to survive come whatever may. 

When he had earned hope. 

How would he have earned hope had he not been broken? 

How would his parents have given him Oroden had all of them not been broken? 

How would Adolin remember Tien had he not been broken? 

_I will remember those forgotten._

Adolin touched her shoulder gently, coming to this realization. 

_I can't forget my scars. They are what made me **me.**_

He wouldn't trade his scars for all the happiness in the world. Because that would be like forgetting himself. Forgetting everything he had gone through. 

Making them worthless. 

"I can't agree with that," he said softly. 

Shallan blinked and faced him. "What?" 

"When....when you forget what..." Adolin searched for the words to say. 

Why couldn't he find the words to say, around her or Kaladin? 

Somehow, they made him an idiot. 

He licked his lips and then swallowed, continuing. 

"When you forget what _broke_ you, Shallan, I don't think you'll remember what you need to move on." He said, his voice low and gentle, but firm. 

Shallan blinked again. 

"I think....if I ever did that, I'd be breaking the Ideal I swore to." Adolin said, laughing slightly, his hand never leaving her shoulder. 

Shallan raised her eyebrows. "And what would that be?" 

"Remembering those forgotten. I need to. So I can help others heal. If I don't let myself heal from the scars I've earned, then I don't deserve to help others." 

That's what strength before weakness, he reflected, meant to an Edgedancer. 

Earn the strength you need, before helping the weak regain theirs. 

It was also an important principle in surgery, and the thought made him smile wider. 

When he looked at Shallan, he noticed that her eyes were wide. 

"Shallan?" He asked, worried. 

"Don't the scars break you?" She asked, her voice soft with wonder. 

Adolin blinked. "The scars were what broke me. But I...I was what I needed to heal. To move on. If that makes any sense." 

Shallan bit on her lip, muttering something to herself.

Adolin didn't hear it but he thought he heard _'Wit'_ somewhere. 

"Shallan?" 

"No...this is...this is something I heard, I think. Adolin, I'm sorry, but I'm not the right person to ask." 

"Because you're doing the wrong thing with your scars?" Adolin asked, in a moment of sudden clarity. 

Shallan smiled, but this was probably the most genuine smile he had seen on her. 

And also the most beautiful. 

_Stop it, she's intended for Kaladin. Your brother in everything but blood._

_Stop._

Then again, he hadn't scolded himself for thinking of the prince as handsome- 

_Stop! Get a hold of yourself, you dense pile of storm leavings!_ Adolin screamed in his own head before his thoughts could go haywire, running a hand through his hair. 

Shallan nodded, getting up. "Thank you, Adolin." 

Adolin coughed, clearing his throat. "Sure. Thank you, too." 

"What for?" Shallan asked, laughing slightly. 

"This talk was actually...good for me too. I guess, I learnt something on the way, as well." Adolin said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Shallan smiled wider. "Well, happy to be of service. Come on now, before Kaladin starts wondering what he did wrong." 

Adolin snorted. "Very bright ray of sunshine, that one." 

"Well, it's our job to help him out, no?" Shallan asked, holding a hand out to him. 

Adolin chuckled. "Can't argue with that, Brightness Boot Thief. Can't argue." 

**Author's Note:**

> I only realized the wonders of physical chemistry this morning but then I remembered- I WANTED TO POST THIS so here it is. 
> 
> Will I ever post what I want to write? The answer is, no.


End file.
